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It takes a lot of courage to admit that the life you are living is all wrong…even when you have countless moments of dissatisfaction and doubt and desires for a different existence…one that is always in the future somewhere…one where you are happy. It's important to realize that you do not necessarily have to change things all at once…you need, for starters, to allow yourself to speak the truth of your unhappiness without feeling there is something wrong with you. Depression is not a symptom to be fixed….to be medicated or "talked away." It is a message from yourself…an alarm clock going off…telling you that there is indeed, something wrong…but it is not a failure or a deficiency on your part. You do not need a diagnosis that neatly explains away the problem and offers solutions that leave you feeling better on the one hand, but still missing something on the other. You will always be missing something until you discover the true source of the problem. You are missing yourself. That's why you are depressed. (The chemical imbalance comes later.) If you had a precious jewel in your pocket and someone robbed you of it….wouldn't you be upset? Wouldn't you feel violated and deprived? Well, you have been robbed of a something precious…but it isn't a gemstone….it's the knowledge and connection to who you really are. You are actually living with an impostor who is running your life while the real you is asleep behind the scenes. Until you make contact with that "real you," you will always be searching for that something outside of you that will make you feel better. And as long as you are looking on the outside, the search will never end. "You" aren't out there. Other people, places and things can never make up to you for the loss of yourself. They will offer you temporary shelter from the storm of self-alienation…but they will come and go and you will keep trying to replace them…and this will be the story of your life. If this is resonating with you, know that the real you is trying to get your attention. It wants you to really hear yourself and take your complaints seriously. It wants you to pour your heart out about how you really feel and listen for the longing underneath all the surface noise for what you really want….really need….not just what you have been told you should want our need, but what you desire at the deepest level. This may take some time, because you may not be accustomed to asking yourself these kinds of questions, let alone listening for the answer. Some part of you may have been afraid to ask these questions because it knew that if you really heard yourself, your life would have to change. And, of course, you're afraid of change because it shakes everything up. Your imposter self likes everything to stay the same. It knows that if you realize what is really in charge of you, that its days are numbered. Which, indeed, they will be. You can handle this change. Consider it an adventure….a hero's journey to the center of yourself…a mission to rescue "you" from a prison of lies. What could be more important? It won't always be easy…but neither is the life of the imposter. It just happens one step at a time…a kind of unveiling of yourself to yourself. It's the greatest gift ever given…and only you can give it to you. So have the courage to claim a life that is right from the one that feels so wrong. When you come down to it, what better use can you make of being here? |
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