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Exercise. Yoga. Meditation. Deep Breathing. We know we are supposed to "manage" our stress. Make relaxation a part of our daily routine. But have you noticed how hard that can be? And how hard it is to relax in any lasting way? It's as if something in us resists the very things that are supposed to help us. Something in us is hooked on life in the fast lane and just doesn't want to slow down. Here's why. If you were to slow down long enough…if you succeeded in making a serious break from your non-stop living…you would inevitably encounter a part of you that would scare you to death. Why? Because it doesn't give a hoot about your busy life and all your reasons for it. In fact, it wants nothing to do with it at all. This part is in some ways more alien to you than a real alien from outer space would be. You're so busy caring about things that don't really matter in the big picture and thinking that "this is how life is"--that the idea that there is a whole other dimension of yourself that thrives on inner peace and joy without a cause is something you delegate to people like the Dalai Lama. You know, that enlightened guy from Tibet you can never imagine being like. Basically, there is a stranger in your midst and you spend a lot of time avoiding her. Now the fact that this stranger is more "you" than the one that is running (literally) your life is where the real problem lies. This, my friend, is why we need Prosac and all its sidekicks. When you live your life ignoring this stranger-that-is-really-you (we'll call her the "Real You"), sooner or later you will find yourself getting depressed. The doctors will say you don't have enough serotonin--but what they don't say is that you have burned it out running in the opposite direction from where "you" really live. And the problem-that-isn't-really-a-problem is that you can't get your Real Self back with a pill. You may feel better….but if that's all you do, its only benefit is to enable you to resume your fast lane living and continue to avoid that stranger within. It's a trick you play on yourself and the more it "works," the worse off you will be. The further you will be from Self-Discovery…from the beautiful and longed for encounter with Who You Really Are. If this sounds like a serious condition, it is. And it isn't even listed in the DSM--the big book of everything-wrong-with-you the psychiatrists use to explain away your bodies cries for real help. "True Self Alienation," it would be called if they took the time to give it a name. Why isn't it listed? Because our familiar selves like being in charge. It's familiar. Very familiar. Sorry. I know that even though you think you don't want to hear this, that stranger in you is screaming so loudly that if you opened yourself to hear her, you would go deaf from the noise. That's why she doesn't come to you all at once. No, she uses the strategies of physical and emotional discomfort to get your attention. But you have to know how to read the "warning signs." You have to learn how to listen. You have to stop believing the lie that you are the problem that needs fixing. The "real you" may be a stranger, but she is not a problem (except to your familiar self!) She is Who You Are without all the pretenses, fear, anger, self-doubt, self-judgment, the list goes on. She is Who You Are when you stop avoiding and ignoring her. She is Who You Are beyond all the roles you play and hats you wear and concepts you have about what life is supposed to be. She is Who You Are when you take the time to know her. So the question now becomes: Will you do it? Because you are the only one who can do anything about your situation. And you have only two choices. You're either going to keep avoiding that stranger or you're going to consciously decide to find a way to befriend her. How do you do that? You start by slowing down enough to have a real conversation with yourself. "Am I really happy with this fast lane existence? Am I tired of this craziness I call a life? Do I secretly suspect there is more to life than how I look or what kind of house I live in or what else I can buy?" You know, the closest some of us come to the conscious realization of our Real Self is our love of vacations. We can't wait to get a break from our lives…except if you notice, we usually take rush mode with us even on our secluded islands. And if we should slow down and begin to like how that feels, we get so uncomfortable with it that we can't wait to get back to our familiar lives! Or….we really like the peace and relaxation, and dread going back to work…but sell ourselves on the lie that it's just the way life has to be. Well, as Louise said to Thelma in the movie Thelma and Louise "You get what you settle for." So if any of this is speaking to you, have that conversation with yourself. Be willing to take your questions and your answers, seriously. Don't wait until a crisis is at your door to be willing to make a change. Human beings were not created to grow only so far and then stagnate for the rest of their lives. Stop squandering your great potential to learn what it means to really live and to find satisfaction in the simple pleasure of just being you |
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